I´m mad at God.....

[epdc]

I just thought that that title was more interesting than "prayer request".

There are so many things going on that honestly, I don´t know what to ask for.... Is like your house was destroyed by a tornado and you are looking at the mess and you think "where do I start the cleaning?".

Gina is using drugs again, sometimes she has a good mood and treat her baby very kindly and others she just screams and fights with my parents and is all like "i dont want to take care of the baby" and my family takes care of Paul.

Last sunday was my birthday, it was the worst birthday ever, I asked my friends to not come over also the same thing to my boyfriend (which came anyways), I cried the whole weekend, I couldn´t breath well. Gina got crazy the friday before my birthday and got all agresive with us, my mother held the baby. Mely got so stressed out that took a knife and almost stabs gina (my father stopped her) (mely got that tense because gina threatened to go with the baby, we wouldn´t have let her but mely freaked out).

I so wish my sister to die, I have been investigating about poisons and stuff, I have considered to give her money weekly so she goes and get all high and hopefully she dies for an overdoze. My boyfriend freaked all out, he keeps reminding me that if gina dies because of something like that I could go to prison and everything would fall apart.

Guys (sigh), I´m so tired, my parents are tired too (tears), I´M SO skiing TIRED.

Wanna know for how long I have dealed with my drug addict sister?, 20 YEARS, 20 skiing YEARS.

This is never gonna end is it?, God doesn´t give a shit right????I read about drug addicts dying EVERYFUCKING DAY, AND SHE IS STILL HERE.

YA KNOW WHAT? I DON´T GIVE A SHIT IF GOD HAS PLANS FOR HER, I DON´T GIVE A SHIT IF GOD LOVES HER AND IS HOPING FOR HER TO CHANGE.

Why do I have to deal with her???, if God would love me too He would take her away so my family could be in peace and still He could work with her.

OHHHHH AND SOMETHING ELSE, HOW CAN I snuggle THIS FAMILY MORE? OH I KNOW, I´LL LET GINA TO HAVE A BABY SO NOW THE FAMILY SUFFERS FOR THE BABY.

My mom and I talked today, she says that God has to give us an answer: why did Gina have a baby?, her life is a mess and we can´t stand her, what is the whole point?....

My mom insists there´s gotta be a purpose of God.....
1.- The baby will do big things for God.
2.- Gina will die soon and God wanted us to have a part of her.

My theory is that God wants to keep me in this pain so one day I´ll write a book about it. Or that He wants me to enjoy life more and realize how great it is to live everytime Gina is gone.

Look, I know life is not perfect, that in the world we may suffer, BUT COME ON, GIVE ME A BREAK, DONPT YOU THINK 20 YEARS IS ENOUGH????

Is like.... SHIT, sometimes I think I will feel better when I start living by myself somewhere else. My boyfriend asked me to marry me so I we would live somewhere away from my sis but I told him "the day we decide to get married I want it to be because we want to be together always, not to scape from problems". But I also think in my parents, my dad is 60 right now and my mom is like 56, they should live in peace by now......

My dad says he will talk with my sister´s husband so the baby and gina go with him (we are not helping them by keeping them here said my dad). We are willing to pay daycare and stuff for the baby and babysit in the afternoons but for our mental health gina shouldn´t be here anymore.

My boyfriend (is a psichologist) says that gina is a product of my parents and that now they are paying for it. STILL IS NOT FAIR, I think my parents have gone through a lot, THEY DESERVE A BREAK AND SO AM I DAMN IT. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE GOOD DAUGHTER, THE ONE WITH A BACHELOR DEGREE, THE ONE THAT WORKS ETC ETC.

I´M SO skiing ANGRY GUYS AND YEAH I KNOW CURSING IS BAD BLABLABLABLA I DON´T CARE, SOMETIMES I CAN´T BREATH, SOMETIMES I CAN´T STOP CRYING, I´M DONE WITH IT.

Well, let´s see if there´s a message for me tomorrow (i´ll be translating for an american pastor tomorrow morning and afternoon in a church), what a moment to break down uh.....
WHATEVER.

[brent]

Wow. How did the S word make it past the filter?

Sorry to hear about your tense situation. My family has been having medical issues. While I understand pain and suffering, we have nothing hardcore crazy like adiction related abuse and/or assult. We'll talk to God for you.

Do you have a government agency to call? What about a non-profit mission?

[Shell]

It's normal to be angry about this situation Elo, and you've had to deal with the same old stuff from her for a long time. God understands your anger, but you need to trust Him with it now, not let it go the destructive path it could go. Do what you can for the little guy (he's going to need someone to watch out for him) and don't focus so much on trying to change or reason with your sister. If she doesn't shape up, she is going to overdose one of these days. We are all the products of our parents to some extent, and all parents are going to make mistakes. However, the choice to take drugs and behave badly is GINA'S, not your parents; they're not holding her down and forcing her to take the drugs. And as I've told you, they need to tell her to shape up or get out and then stick with it. They've put up with her behavior way too long and she will continue as long as she can get away with it. They need to quit bailing her out every time she screws up. Know I'm praying for you, and you can e-mail me any time, you know that.

[St_Augustines_Pears]

Wow. How did the S word make it past the filter?

Or the F word.

Although I can understand epdc's outburst. When you're stressing out, you let it fly. As Twisted Sister's Dee Snider once said, "Sometimes gee whiz and golly don't make it!"

I should know...when I'm mad or upset, I can make a U.S. Marine blush.

I'm praying for ya, epdc.

[separateunion]

Wow. How did the S word make it past the filter?

Or the F word.

The F word didnt make it past the filter. At least not from what I'm seeing. Looks like it was replaced by "skiing".

[executioner]

Wow. How did the S word make it past the filter?

Or the F word.

The F word didnt make it past the filter. At least not from what I'm seeing. Looks like it was replaced by "skiing".

actually the Fword did make it pass because of they way she wrote it. I will assume she purposely wrote it that way to get it passed the filter.


I feel for you and your family, but now is the time to trust God and I know its hard but just give God all the glory in the world for not only the little guy but your sister Gina also.
I think Shell had a good point about getting her out of your lives for good, but make sure doesn't take the baby with her. I know this might sound horrible call the police and maybe they'll send her away for sometime.

[charl]

uh why do we care if swears made it past the filter? Come on now.

I refuse to throw you any platitudes here elo. Your anger is justified.

Here is the thing. You are beginning to understand what forgiveness really entails. It's not saying hey it's okay whatever let's all be BFFs. It's not just letting people get away with what they do. It is difficult, painful and above all not fair. The person receiving does NOT deserve it. They are the one doing wrong. They are the one breaching the relationship again and again. They are the one hurting you and everyone around you. You are the offended party. And indeed you and the people around you have been seriously wronged by your sister. It is her fault, make no mistake.

That is the cost of forgiveness. It's not fuzzy like hugging kittens. It's hard and messy and it violates our sense of justice and right in every way imaginable. They don't deserve it! But...neither do I. I don't think we realize what that really means until we feel it ourselves. I think the most powerful way to understand how God is wronged by me is to be wronged by another. This is how it is for him. This is how he feels. This is why grace is not and can never be "cheap".

See now you partake in the suffering of Christ. Now you have a little taste of the cup he drank to it's dregs. You partake in his sufferings and not the other way around because he drank the whole of the bitterness and gall you now taste. He took it all. Now you feel on a visceral level why God was made flesh. To take this curse. To take it on his body and destroy it.

And when he drank that cup, when his stripes healed us they also healed us from the sins of others. From the evil we suffer. In his death he makes sin and suffering mean something, something for good. Look at the incredible good that came of his suffering. Our suffering then also has meaning for we are in him. There is something to hope for beyond it. Look past it to him.

Also remember that Christ did not come only to forgive and leave everything broken. Christ came to make right. he doesn't only forgive us, he takes the punishment deserved by us and justifies us. He makes us right. He makes the world right. He crushes sin death and the devil. He is bringing judgement to victory.

When he wept at Lazarus' tomb was it not because of what the evils of sin have done to us? They make us sub-human. They reverse his work, sucking everything into a chaotic void ending in death. we all know it. He saw what he would have to do to end this. Submit to the evil and the pain of death on our behalf.

It was the greatest surprise in history that Christ used evil to destroy evil. He rammed evil back down it's own throat. Sin and evil now may hurt us. It may destroy our bodies and our well being. But it can not overcome us, for we are in Christ and he has overcome it already. Evil whimpers defeated even as it claws at us, and we experience the same paradox in the evil and suffering that comes our way. It hurts-badly-but it will be turned on itself. It will lose.

Look at Jeremiah. He cried in anguish for over 40 years over the evil that others did, evil for which they were destroying themselves and everyone around them, evil that spit in the face of God.

Habakkuk wondered why God should allow them to live. He knew God was good and he struggled to reconcile this.

But also take a look at Isaiah 59. especially;

The LORD looked and was displeased
that there was no justice.

He saw that there was no one,
he was appalled that there was no one to intervene;
so his own arm worked salvation for him,
and his own righteousness sustained him.

He put on righteousness as his breastplate,
and the helmet of salvation on his head;
he put on the garments of vengeance
and wrapped himself in zeal as in a cloak.

According to what they have done,
so will he repay
wrath to his enemies
and retribution to his foes;
he will repay the islands their due.

From the west, men will fear the name of the LORD,
and from the rising of the sun, they will revere his glory.
For he will come like a pent-up flood
that the breath of the LORD drives along.

"The Redeemer will come to Zion,
to those in Jacob who repent of their sins,"
declares the LORD.

Christus Victor. He wins. Hold on to him.

[Shell]

That is a very good post Charl; you do have a good understanding about forgiveness.

[sue d.]

Oh Elo! Gina's going back to the drugs AGAIN? Man...

Girlfriend, I TOTALLY understand your frustration, anger and everything else that goes with it (I got another story to tell you too). I'm so sorry your birthday was so bad (and I'm sorry I didn't remember that it was your bday!). It sounds like you had a real mess that day...

Sometimes you do just have to vent before you do something crazy, like Mely. If that means making the words fly - well, then let them fly. We all do it, whether we admit it or not.

And we all question God and scream at him "WHY ME??? Why do *I* have to deal with this?? I just want a normal family and a normal life!"

Oh yes... I can relate.

Charl made a great post on forgiveness... and relating OUR sense of wrong and the hurt that's been done to use vs. what WE have done to Jesus. Really -when you think about it - actually sit and THINK HARD about it - there is no comparison.

But that doesn't take away the anger and frustration of the moment (though it SHOULD).

You ask for fairness, for justice - Job did the same thing:

Job 34:5
"Job says, 'I am innocent, but God denies me justice.'

But God promises:

Luke 18:7
'And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off?'

Jesus loves and advocates justice, and in time you WILL have your justice with your sister. The hard part is waiting...

So many times we are 'victims of circumstance,' or victims of other people's actions that we have no control over.

And sometimes there is TOUGH LOVE. If there is always a safety net (your parents) to catch the person and fix things, the person will never learn. Some people need to learn the hard way... over and over again. I've had to practice tough love recently and yes - it is more TOUGH on the 'good person' than the 'bad one.'

Have you ever watched the show "Intervention?" The family all confronts the wayward person, along with the counselor. And the bottom line always is this: you go along with us and get help - or we are done with you and will have nothing more to do with you. You are not welcome here any more."

THAT is tough!

And sadly there is your little nephew in the picture now, and you don't want to see him hurt. That makes things more complicated, for sure.

She's an addict, and it's so easy to fall back into the old ways. Of COURSE satan has his hand in this as well -- nothing more that he would like to see than breaking up your family, hurting Gina and destroying everything.

You can NOT let him get to you, Elo! Because if he drives YOU insane and to the point of screaming and yelling at GOD, then he wins again!

Fight and scream at the one who is causing all the troubles and sins in this world: satan. Not God.

Like Charl said, LEAN on the Lord, Elo and don't let go.

[executioner]

Elo,

I know you may not want to hear this but when things go like this in my life, I lean first and foremost on God, but this is also the time when I listen to Petra and other CCM artists like Fireflight more. You really need to give a listen to Fireflights latest CD "Unbreakable" the whole CD is about on how things can be so wrong or so broken in your life, but there is God just sitting there waiting for you to come to him. It's probably the most uplifting rock CD I've ever heard.


fireflightrock.com

[epdc]

thank you for your prayers and encouragement.

I feel better now, Gina has been calmed down lately, once in a while she gets all tense and screams but in general terms things are a little bit relaxed her.

Sorry for cursing, but I gotta tell you, I felt so "dim" good hehehehe. No, I didn`t do it on purpose about putting the f word in capital letters, i felt like screaming so I used capital letters.

Last weekend I was the translators of some pastors from montana and washington, God treated with me while I was translating the conferences...

Sigh, I just pray my parents can get to have some peace ya know, they deserve it...

If you ever bought the DVD Farewell, you will see me in the interview section, all I said there was true: "that the petheads are like a family".thank you guys, I`ll keep you updated.